Imperfect Single Parent | Thirty-Nine Things Guaranteed to Cause a Four-Year-Old Meltdown
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Thirty-Nine Things Guaranteed to Cause a Four-Year-Old Meltdown

This is basically a companion-post to The 30 Things Most Likely to Give Me Parent Rage.

I’m pretty lucky to have a naturally easy-going small boy. We rarely have tantrums, and he lives in fear of the words “One… two…three!” (completion of the last word equalling the apocalypse/having to go to bed/related disasters).

But being pretty lucky doesn’t mean I don’t have to deal with some fairly ridiculous fits of rage, tears or snot. (And in one particularly fantastic case, the furious shouting of the words “Bummy bum!!!!” at me. It really stung once I’d stopped laughing.) After his tiring first two weeks of school, I’ve collected some pretty good melt-down guarantees that needed sharing…

  1. There’s no nutella left.
  2. They’re the wrong socks.
  3. He wasn’t holding his sleeve yet.
  4. He forgot to hold his sleeve and it’s now halfway up his arm under his coat.
  5. He asked for a green cup.
  6. It’s bedtime and he’s hungry.
  7. It’s bedtime and he’s hungry and mummy won’t let him have a biscuit and he doesn’t want bread and butter and he’s starving and he might actually starve and mummy doesn’t care.
  8. There are biscuit crumbs all over his bed.
  9. Someone said “Shhh.”
  10. There’s a hair in his mouth.
  11. There’s a hair somewhere on his hands that he can’t find.
  12. There’s a hair somewhere in the room that he’s pretty sure is going to come and find him.
  13. He wanted to be the first one downstairs.
  14. Peppa Pig is taking too long to download.
  15. I didn’t download enough Peppa Pig episodes.
  16. There isn’t time for more Peppa Pig.
  17. It’s bedtime.
  18. I selfishly tried to walk on the pavement next to him and not through several bins, which stopped him being able to walk along the train-track stripe of tarmac the whole way down our road.
  19. He didn’t want to be tickled any more.
  20. It’s time to tidy away the lego.
  21. A small lego brick won’t come off a larger lego brick.
  22. A small lego brick came off a larger lego brick when he wasn’t ready and is now somewhere in the region of the sofa but he isn’t sure where.
  23. I told him to put his own shoes on.
  24. I didn’t listen when he explained that he was too tired to put his own shoes on this morning.
  25. I put his shoe on wrong.
  26. There’s a label in his pants.
  27. His seat-belt has a twist in it.
  28. He was about to open the door.
  29. He didn’t want to close the door behind him as well as open it.
  30. I shouldn’t have told him it was his fault because he doesn’t like it when it’s his fault.
  31. I told him to go to sleep after he told me not to say that, and that means he won’t play with me again, and if he won’t play with me again then he’ll be unhappy, so I’ve just made him unhappy forever.
  32. It was time to stop building a sofa-cushion fort.
  33. Someone tidied away his sofa-cushion fort.
  34. Today’s attempt at a sofa-cushion fort wasn’t as good as yesterday’s one that got tidied away.
  35. He wanted me to do his seatbelt.
  36. He only wanted to do his seatbelt once today.
  37. I shouldn’t have told him to get dressed because it made him go and hide under the table and then he banged his head and it was all my fault.
  38. There are bits in his yoghurt.
  39. It’s still bedtime.

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